It’s the middle of summer, and while others are slowing down, I’m knee-deep in planning for fall and the holidays because when you’re a small business owner, there’s no such thing as “off-season.” In 8 days, I’m launching a new tee subscription program. I read somewhere that you shouldn't launch something new out of desperation, but honestly, it’s hard to tell if that’s exactly what I’m doing. I work 60+ hours per week on my business. It still feels like it’s failing. I run ads. They don’t work. I post. 5 likes. I pick up tees, unload and sort them with kiddos crying and strapped into car seats, and sweat as I swiftly (and I mean I'm always in a hurry) walk to the shed with broken bones in my feet. I snap photos in a hurry and make my husband angry because I’m short with him as he calls mid photo [selfie] shoot. I rush off to my son’s game praying he doesn’t see me pull in late or on two wheels. I post as he’s in the dugout so I don’t miss anything. 1 sale. Hallelujah one sale.
Wait. I’ve been in business almost ten years. How can 2 sales in a day make me excited? What is God trying to tell me? Just 3 years ago I had a $14k day. Where did everyone go? What am I doing wrong? What is broken? My payout tomorrow is $54. If I pay myself 15% of that, it’s $8.
I pray. And pray some more. I don’t give up…although perhaps I should and would it be giving up if it meant getting some peace in the pause. Hm. That’s a good T-shirt idea. I'm using that. I lose sleep and sanity over wondering what my next move should be and analyzing my last move. Is it worth it at this point? Is this chapter closing? Small business life is the life I’ve chosen—not because it’s easy, but because it’s mine. I’ve always wanted to build something of my own, something that could serve others, fuel my creativity, and provide for my family. And for a while, it did. But the truth is, sometimes that dream only works for a season. Or it works in ways we didn’t expect. That doesn’t make it a failure. It just means the dream might need to evolve, and that’s okay—even if it’s hard. And on the other hand, that makes me SO emotional on SO many levels. We have worked too hard to give up, right? Too many late nights making screens and printing in the kitchen with screaming babies. Too many bleaching sessions in the 110 degree weather 9 months pregnant. And perhaps it’s the fact that working from home has meant being a stay at home mom AND having a job all in one place at one time for 10 years has just exhausted me. But I truly LOVE what I do so how can this be wrong? I’m torn.
I'm sharing this as we all share things on social media or with a friend as an outlet and to continue to fight. I don't think anyone needs to suffer in silence and go through things alone. You also see people talking about an experience AFTER it happened and it seems like they could've had help or could've helped others while they were in the thick of it, so why not share in real-time? Being an online, hybrid, non-boutique, she-shed brand...I can feel alone sometimes. I don't feel like I belong in any space that people can truly relate to me. I know brand owners and I've reached out for SOS moments, but they say "it'll all work out". No. That's not what I was looking for, sis. I think that's why I'm always so eager to help other people when they ask because I know if I can help someone in the smallest way save some tears and time, I'll try my best.
Some people think this entrepreneur life is easy… like you just post a cute product and the money rolls in. But the truth is, it takes everything. The late nights, the early mornings, the trial and error, the moments of doubt….and still showing up. Closing this chapter by choice is not something anyone wants to do…a break-up due to my own decision and choice?? No, thanks. But at some point, it’s okay to switch gears, right?!
I am trying to tell myself that this desperation feeling is really determination. And I keep saying that numbers aren't the only measure of impact, but when you're pouring everything in and getting pennies back {financially, emotionally, spiritually} it starts to wear down your belief in the whole thing. I’ve questioned if I'm not being open to bigger and better opportunities just because I am so determined to sustain and grow my business. Some days I feel like I’m stuck in a loop, working harder just to stay in the same place.
The hardest part isn’t the work itself, but the silence that follows. Posting every day, smiling through a screen, showing up even when no one responds…it wears on you. Working on a batch of 40 tees, coordinating with designers, driving, unloading, sorting, editing, website updates, only to sell one? That’s a pain only a small business owner truly understands. Launch days used to bring excitement and feelings of success and a sense of validation that I was creating something people needed and wanted. Nowadays, I dread launch days a little bit because I know I am left with a ton of products and only a few sales if any. No sales means not being able to cover the expense of creating product lines. The economy is definitely changing and a factor for the change in sales; it SURE isn't for lack of effort on my part. I also know there are a million other factors and possibilities for the changes in my business and I will never not attempt to pivot when I need to pivot.
If anyone else is feeling the same way, feel free to message or email me. We can brainstorm and cry together. I know there are so many small business owners struggling right now, but can't find the words to express their feelings as the feelings may just be too overwhelming. Just know that your efforts are seen by at least one person over here and I know how trying it is to keep pushing some days. It's truly the communities we surround ourselves with that keep us going. If it weren't for my close people and our customers who are truly friends....we wouldn't have been able to stay in the fight this long. I appreciate everyone always empathizing with me when I voice my frustrations and struggles. Some may not like how open I am, but I know I'm not alone in this and when it's just the reality of the situation, how can I act, think, and speak otherwise?
Shout out to the business owners who are out here hustling without the perfect sales funnel, without knowing the best hashtags, maybe without a full team or fancy setup, but with heart, vision, and determination. We may not have it all figured out, but we’re doing the work and God will lead us in our journeys.
Keep going. Keep praying. You’re not alone.
✨ If you can empathize or relate to my late-night thoughts, I’d love to welcome you into our community, our Facebook group, where we share real-life updates, behind-the-scenes stuff, new launches, and encouragement for everyone. Whether you’re a customer, a fellow business owner, or someone who just needs to know where they can read some real, honest thoughts, you're welcome there. We weren’t made to do this alone.
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